uccellodifuoco | 18th Rise of the Phoenix ஜ Action/Voice [Backdated to the 15th]

18th Rise of the Phoenix ஜ Action/Voice [Backdated to the 15th]

[To be honest, Ikki hasn't slept at all. He has stayed awake in his room, glaring at the clock as it slowly ticked away the minutes until midnight hit and with it came the official start of the new day. Another August 15th, another birthday he never expected to "enjoy", the third spent in this place which only reminds him that he's on his way to his third year in Luceti as a whole. He spends the night sulking to himself before leaving early in a poor, and probably useless, attempt to avoid Smoker and the rum cake he knows that is going to show up sooner or later for as long as possible.

He never wants to celebrate his birthday, this year isn't an exception. Selphie isn't here anymore, which is good because it means there's one less person who will know that it's his birthday, but deep inside it just bothers him that she's not here. Hyoga isn't here either, still kidnapped... Assuming that they didn't send him away while they had him, but the Cygnus cloth is still in his room after he recovered it from where Hyoga had camped so he will keep some hope and assume that he's still there somewhere.

At least he has Kotomi, except that even after confessing to her, he still doubts he deserves her or that he can do any good to her. Actually he doesn't have doubts about that, he knows he doesn't deserve her and that he can't do any good to her, but he also knows that she's in his heart too deeply for him to be able to take her out of there and not bleed completely. He may be the immortal bird, but his heart holds enough wounds as it is, he doesn't really want to kill his heart completely even if reason sometimes tells him that it would be the best option. At any rate, House #26 will have Ikki knocking at the door early in the morning, not too early for it to be a crazy time to show up but still early enough so that no one, specially Kotomi, won't have plans already.

Because of that Ikki will spend most of the day with his precious treasure, hanging around, having lunch at the Seventh Heaven... Though knowing them, they will probably end sitting somewhere with her reading to him. And by sitting somewhere it means him sitting and making her sit on his lap so he can lean his head against her shoulder and read as she does while holding her waist in a loose hug, discretion be damned... It's advised to not stare though, as the phoenix doesn't deal well with that.

Later, once Kotomi is delivered safely back to her house, just in time for dinner, Ikki will crash at the Good Spirits for a few rounds against his liver. Just so it doesn't forget the habit, you know. A few hours later, a drunk Ikki will be fumbling with his journal. Maybe next year he will remember to lock it away before he gets drunk but for now... Have a drunk message before you go to sleep Luceti, please don't mind the slur in his words.]

I bet you were thinking about how great she is and how I don't deserve her or some shit like that. Well!! I know that already. I know that I don't deserve someone as sweet and innocent as Kotomi, I know I don't deserve to be alive. But you know what? I'm screwed up, because no matter what you throw at me I just won't die, I will keep fucking returning from hell as if it was any Tuesday. And I love her. And she loves me! I don't know why or how she can do that, but she loves me. So until she stops loving me or I can finally die... What was I saying? Hey, where did the whisky go? Tch, it keeps vanishing, stupid glass. Stupid drink.

Anyway! [Pause as he tries to remember what he was saying. No really, it has left his mind.] I don't care how bad I am, or how little I deserve to live or to be with Kotomi. It just happens, I always deal with all the shit life has in for me, I take it even if I don't want it, so I'll take this too, because I want it. I love Kotomi and until she gets tired of me, you lot better stop looking at her like that, because she's my girlfriend. And you!! Shitty Malnosso, I bet you had a blast taking my sister and my friend, well, have all the fun you want, but if you touch one hair of Kotomi's precious head there won't be enough magic, divine power or whatever to save you from the hell I'll send you all to.

[ooc: You can crash into Ikki and Kotomi while they are together, just leave a note in the subject so we can both tag back.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Why can't you just accept his love in the form of an awesome rum cake, huh?]

[You can't escape it forever Ikki. It will be there. Waiting. Tempting you. Looking delicious. Just look at this thing. Clearly it says "Eat me" more than anything Alice steals from Wonderland to put in her mouth. Yup.]

[At least Ikki won't be drunk alone, because Smoker seems to be a little incapable of making rum cake without downing a couple of bottles in the process. Oops.]

Aha, I knew you'd be at the bar. Well, joke's on you, because I got a headstart.

You tell 'em Ikki. We'll kick those Malnosso black and blue and red all over, even if they already are!

[Okay grabbing a seat with you bro.] Why do they call them Malnosso anyway? [Have a rum cake. It has candles. They aren't lit though. Not yet.]

Sure, the joke's on me. I spent the day with my girlfriend while you spent it getting drunk ahead of me. Easy to see who had the best deal.

[He doesn't want cake. And he glares at those candles, get those out of his sight, really.]

They can be called whatever they want. I'll still kill them all if they touch her.

I'll help you with that.

[No. Cake is awesome man, you don't even know.]

And I'm not drunk. I'm fine. Less drunk than you.

[Lies. Cake sucks, here, have Ikki pushing the cake away. Shoo, shoo...]

Sure you are. I'm also more drunk with love than you are. And I still spent the day with my girl while you were all alone.

[It's so easy to see when he's drunk, even ignoring the slur and everything else, Ikki would never say those things about his feelings if he was sober.]

Yeah well... Grell hasn't gotten back yet...

But she will.

She did before you know.

[Okay drinking rum now. And he grins.] So all day with Kotomi-chan? Good. I wondered where you went.

Excuses, excuses... When have you spent a whole day with Grell anyway?

[Right now he doesn't remember if Smoker has done that. Ikki hums and nods... And his head almost does a headdesk with the bobbing.]

All day just for her. It's the least I can do.

After the shift awhile ago. [Not the recent one but after he and Robin were body-swapped.] Lupin helped.

[Sideglance.] You do more than that for her, you know.

You need help to be with your girl? That's new.

[Why would you need help for that, man. It's not as if you're... Well, Ikki himself.]

I should do more. She deserves better.

[Annoyed scowl.] He helped me set up movie projectors.

[Though one day he needs to figure out how to do more theater stuff for her.]

[And a small grunt.] She deserves you. Better doesn't exist.

Ah, right, I think I remember something about movies.

[He waves a hand as he gulps down another glass. You and yours... Movies.]

Easy for a guy like you to say it. No matter what stupid ideas and fears you may have, you're still a good man.

[Ikki, however, doesn't consider himself to be one.]

[STARES AT IKKI.]

You know Kotomi-chan said the same thing.

And you're both delusional. That has to count for something. You share the same delusion. How does that even work?

[Shakes his head.] You're better than me Ikki. And she's definitely way better than me. Nice.

I bully pirates, remember? You said it yourself. [Nods.]

She's better than both of us. And you haven't killed anyone who didn't deserve it.

Yeah, she is.

I try not kill anyone, Ikki. Since when do you kill people who don't deserve it either, huh?

Since always. You try not to kill, I try to kill, I kill... They didn't deserve it. Not all of them.

Oh? [His ears just flick. Clearly this is a deeper point which requires listening, so Smoker's just going to wait for Ikki to expand on that and explain it better.]

How so? Collateral damage notwithstanding.

There's no collateral damage when you know that something is going to end bad for them and you do nothing.

[He growls back, taking another gulp of his drink.]

If I had pushed Esmeralda away, if I hadn't been friendly with her, allowed her to get close. She wouldn't have gone there, and if I hadn't hesitated to kill she wouldn't have died... And I killed just right after, as if that would fix it.

[He snorts and shakes his head. He keeps mumbling names, a long list, there are many people whom he killed that didn't really deserve it besides the fact that they were his enemies... The Black Saints hadn't even been his enemies, he had just dragged them with him in his half suicidal, half murderous attempt. Back then when he tried to kill his brothers, he really tried, he really wanted to crush their hearts in his hands. But if it had ended with them crushing his heart instead he would have been just as happy. He continues his story with little pause.]

... I really tried to kill Shun and the others, but even if they killed me I wouldn't have cared. I knew that and yet allowed the others to come and fight for me, maybe they weren't the most innocent, but they didn't deserve to die either. I should have just destroyed their Black Cloths and made them leave so they tried to find a normal live somewhere rather than let them die like that, for something I didn't even fully believe in.

[He pauses for another drink, though it's clear that there's more. It's also clear that he's basically just taking responsibility of the deaths of others even when they were the result of their own decisions, simply because they were connected to him. If they hadn't been they wouldn't have died, so it makes sense in his mind.]

[Smoker just whacks him upside the head. Enjoy.]

If you wouldn't fault someone else who did what you did in those situations, why are you blaming yourself?

Killing someone is killing them. Not trying, not letting others fight, not failing to stop them from fighting or failing to stop them from dying. It's direct, it's brutal, and it's not you. Don't start diminishing it.

[Ikki doesn't even react to that, whatever man.]

It's different. Others are others, me is me.

[In case Smoker hadn't realized yet that Ikki has the habit of being harder on himself than on others.]

I've killed people, I have pierced chests with my own hands and grabbed their heats even when they were still beating. I've thrown many people to a nightmarish death, and they didn't deserve it. They weren't bad people, they were just fighting for the people opposing us and I killed them... Some may have been assholes and probably some of them were just rotten souls, yes, some were... But not all. All they did to deserve it was to stand on the side of someone who wasn't Athena.

[He snorts.]

I don't even really care about that woman, yet I kill for her. Tatsumi should have killed me as I told him, rather than just leave me half dead when he sent me to training.

Don't set double standards for yourself. It's wrong if they're lighter on you, but it's still fucked up when it's thirty times as hard.

Since when is fighting to stop people from accidentally destroying the world a bad thing?

And if you were dead who would have protected Shun or Kotomi now?

Who says it?

[No really, who says he can't set double standards for himself, eh? Who is it, he will punch them in the face.]

They didn't want to destroy the world. At most they wanted to kill humanity, most or all of it depends on who you're asking. And with the way humanity is so corrupted at times it's a wonder if protecting them all really is the right justice.

[He takes another gulp.]

It doesn't matter. Shun's strong, stronger than me, he didn't need me to protect him anymore. And Kotomi would have found someone else, there are many guys who would be better for her and would protect her too.

Me, you idiot. [Punch him if you want but he punches back. Probably. Maybe not with Ikki.]

Oh gee, that's far superior. Yes Ikki, protecting people is still justice. Everyone makes mistakes, it doesn't mean they should all be mowed down for it. [Ugh don't get him started on Akainu. And Ace. He doesn't want to go there, and you don't want him to go there, so he won't.] So long as there are still people you and your brother or Kotomi, there's a reason to keep trying.

Kotomi would not have found someone else or she already would have and you wouldn't be in the picture right now. Get your head together. All she wants is you, all she ever wanted was someone maybe a tenth as devoted as you. You actually think her violin playing is good. No, there isn't another person in all the different universes quite like you and available to her, so enjoy what you have before you decide she could do better with a fairy tale that doesn't exist. If she wanted to be alone pining for someone else still, she would be. She's not an idiot, so she obviously knows what she likes about you. Why can't you just trust her in that?

[................ Yeah he's so going to get punched. This is why Smoker doesn't generally have friends, jeepers.]

[Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ikki doesn't want to hear Smoker's rant so he tries to turn it into just blabbering sounds. Or acts like it, at least until Smoker mentions the violin thing, it's so small and stupid that Ikki actually answers to it.]

Her violin playing is good, anyone can see that.

[Just. Stares at. FOREVER.]

No, seriously. You're really good for her and no one else is like you. No one.

[He would genuinely rather face Akainu head on than listen to another of her violin concerts. You are so special Ikki. SO SPECIAL that you don't even know that. That special.]

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